Things at work have been a bit stressful, but manageable. Gen Con came around and while there, somehing happened. Emotionally I became unable to control my primal instincts as they began to surface. It ended with me growing so frustrated that I had to leave before midnight Saturday.
For the nex week and a half, I was on a testosterone high. I was aggitated, possessive, territorial, confrontational, and found myself gorging on this primal, energy like it was an all-you-can-eat buffet. But what I craved most, during this time was physical intimacy, to share this primal force with another. And though I tried, nothing came to fruition. Yet, even through this frustration, there was some sort of force giving me optomism.
... That is until yesterday. A friend of mine gave me some good news--he and his family are expecting a kid. Add to that a girl I know said that a guy wants a paternity test to find out if her kid is his, and another friend just had a kid last night.
Suddenly it was like the hands that had been pushing me up were suddenl pressing me down. The world no longer seems bright with fire and conquest on the horizon, but more like I missed the boat and the party has sailed away, leaving me on a cold island, alone.
This is how life has felt for a long time for me, but the sudden return to this feels devistating. Oppressive. Dark.
Maybe it's just Summer stress. Maybe it's just coincidence, or maybe there's something going on that I'm picking up on... I mean, if you wanted Spring kids, wouldn't this be the optimal time for procreation? Or maybe it's just another wave of hormonal imbalance and depression's cruel waves.
For my friends who are experiencing great things in their lives involving new relationships, successful partnerships, and new lives, I truly congratulate you. I'm jealous in ways, but I don't deny you the joy you're feeling. :)