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Is Pon Farr Rreal?
Torakhan - Angry
torakhan
I've been experiencing some dramatic highs and lows lately.  A sudden urge for and lack of physical intimacy  in a seemingly testosterone-high that was easily crushed back to massive depression. WTF? 

Things at work have been a bit stressful, but manageable. Gen Con came around and while there, somehing happened. Emotionally I became unable to control my primal instincts as they began to surface. It ended with me growing so frustrated that I had to leave before midnight Saturday.

For the nex week and a half, I was on a testosterone high. I was aggitated, possessive, territorial, confrontational, and found myself gorging on this primal, energy like it was an all-you-can-eat buffet. But what I craved most, during this time was physical intimacy, to share this primal force with another. And though I tried, nothing came to fruition. Yet, even through this frustration, there was some sort of force giving me optomism.
... That is until yesterday. A friend of mine gave me some good news--he and his family are expecting a kid. Add to that a girl I know said that a guy wants a paternity test to find out if her kid is his, and another friend just had a kid last night.

Suddenly it was like the hands that had been pushing me up were suddenl pressing me down. The world no longer seems bright with fire and conquest on the horizon, but more like I missed the boat and the party has sailed away, leaving me on a cold island, alone.
This is how life has felt for a long time for me, but the sudden return to this feels devistating. Oppressive. Dark.

Maybe it's just Summer stress. Maybe it's just coincidence, or maybe there's something going on that I'm picking up on...  I mean, if you wanted Spring kids, wouldn't this be the optimal time for procreation?  Or maybe it's just another wave of hormonal imbalance and depression's cruel waves.

For my friends who are experiencing great things in their lives involving new relationships, successful partnerships, and new lives, I truly congratulate you.  I'm jealous in ways, but I don't deny you the joy you're feeling.  :)

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I believe in hormones.
Yours sound like total no fun.
(Frozen) (Thread)

Those stupid hormones

Heh. Thanks. Yeah, it was kind of an emotional-dump-post. I felt it the strongest when I was typing it. The next day I was feeling a bit better.

... but it still hits me from time to time.
(Frozen) (Parent) (Thread)

I go through waves of depression as well (as you know) it really does cause for a lot of negative inward thoughts to feed it and allow that desolation to grow.

I know it will probably come to a head at some point in my marriage, but I do not want biological children. I have no desire to birth children.

Sometimes I feel a little broken because I don't have this maternal drive that other people seem to possess.

I'd rather plan on raising a puppy if I get the desire to mother anything at all, that's why I got Dante.
(Frozen) (Thread)

Crazy Emotions and such.

*nods* I have no interest in raising kids. I mean, I understand and sometimes I feel that "it would be nice to have a mini-me running around to carry on my name, my genes, etc. It saddens me a lot that I am "Arthur Roswell Dreese III" and there will never be a fourth... that my mother will never see me father children, raise a family, etc. I feel like I've failed her at times.
Hopefully my brother (who's turning 30, dating a girl for 8 or so years, and has no kids either) will take care of that before she gets too old.

... but I also can't help but wonder if certain life experiences don't awaken new pathways in the brain that mature with stimuli. Would having a kid make me more prone to being "fatherly"? Would I be able to actually have a relationship if I just gave it a try?

Right now, even if I had an apartment, I don't think I could be responsible enough to have a cat, sooo... no kids for me (at least not on purpose.)
(Frozen) (Parent) (Thread)

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