Still here
Torakhan - Sad
torakhan
Still here. Considering bringing this back to life... 

My bedroom: A glimpse into my defunct spirit and mind
Depressed
torakhan
I believe that one's bedroom and personal spaces are often a good representation of how their spirits are feeling at the time. My room is full of garbage, littered with fragments of my life for the last 12 years that has been occasionally cleaned, but most of the time it's just a mess of things I don't really need, but I'm too lazy to take care of. I have to step over the garbage to get to the stuff I need, and so I don't go into some places of my room. Doing anything just feels like a task too enormous to achieve anything once I've started. Most of it could really be taken care of in a short amount of time, but each time I go to start, I lose all energy and find myself in the same slumped position fixated on things that aren't important and unhelpful. It's barely functional. It's disgusting and potentially dangerous. I could use someone to help me clean it up, but I'm afraid to let someone in for what they'll find and I'll have to deal with their issues concerning my issues and I don't want to deal with that, and that I'll have made someone else uncomfortable because of my mess.

I'm really in a deep deep funk ATM. I'm in the "avoidance" phase of depression, and pretty entrenched in it. I try to wake up early in the morning, and I just can't roll out of bed until after 1:30pm, no matter how many alarms or proverbial carrots I put in front of me to get me out of bed and doing stuff. I'm avoiding all of the things I NEED to be doing to support myself. It's a really bad spiral hole I'm going down with my active priorities in all of the wrong places and my necessary priorities being thrown out the window. Even the fear of being thrown out onto the streets isn't a motivator for change. I need positive energy that not only motivates me, but gets me to actually do those things that will be positive for me. I'm terrible at being self-motivated, unless other folks are relying on me, or I've given my word to do something. Even then, if I know I can get away with it, I'll find myself slipping. I can't do that if I want to go anywhere, do anything. I don't have any real life-goals that I honestly feel I want. I don't have any real dreams or interests that go beyond 3-6 months from now.

(no subject)
Torakhan - Pleased
torakhan

Each year I watch the Super Bowl for the ads. This year was no different, other than I having recorded it and fast-forwarding through the game to get to the ads which still wound up taking a LOT of time. Oh, well. Here are my thoughts on the commercials.

Hungry Howies "You Can't say Super ****": Hah. And, yet, somehow... they did. Well done, getting around that pesky legal issue. :D

Coors "Silver Bullet Pint Launch": Meh. Really, that's all I got to say.

Hunger Games (movie): I've seen ads for this movie before and I'm still not impressed. It looks like it's just too contrived, and can't figure out if it's a movie for children or adults. But maybe I'm not the target audience and it'll be a hit for the 14-19 year-olds.

VelVita "Cops": Um, kinda cute, but it really didn't spark much interest or grab me. It just seemed to be

Downy Unstopables "Mean Joe Green": Amusing in that they re-purposed the Cocacola ad, and a few cute CG edits, but otherwise, it didn't seem like a very effective ad. It'll get folks to remember "Oh, that ad with Joe Green in it... do you remember what it was for? Was it for Coke?"

Universal Studios/Transformers the Ride-3D "Transformers Interruption": Interesting. The only initial clue that something was up was that the NBC return-from-commercial audio was a bit tinny. It seems that they didn't get the voices quite right on Optimus or Megatron either, but it could just be that the audio was a bit wonky in general. Otherwise, while it was kinda cool, it really seemed more like a teaser to get you to the website (PrepareForBattle.com) to check out more (what a way to save a few bucks. But, then again, the and NBC/NFL rights probably weren't cheap either.)

Pete Hoekstra "Debbie Spend It Now" (local political ad): Okay, I'm really kinda upset with this commercial. Seriously, WTF?! This is just a really STUPID commercial and I'm disgusted with it. I... I just can't really say how sickened I am that this is his OWN personal, theatrical political attack ad. It's so rediculous--A chinese woman in a rice field speaking in pigin-English thanking "Debbie Spend It Now" (and, yes, that's what she calls Debbie Stabenow several times to reenforce it) for giving money to China and taking it away from the US. Then Pete Hoekstra shows up and calls himself "Pete Spend It Not" (PeteSpendItNot.com). This is the shitty sort of theatrics that I really hate seeing on ANY side of the political games and it frustrates me that it's finally rearing it's ugly head here.

Brann's Steakhouse - "This is Calvin Johnson. Welcome to Brann's. Real Food, Score Big": Seriously... that's it. A 5 second add. Got the point across, but... wow, a shorty. *L* The first commercial just at the "beginning" of the Superbowl. Nicely put, but supershort.

Geico "Schoolgirls": Okay, a bit weird, but, anyone else get the "creep-factor-feeling" about a guy hiring middle-school girls to watch him 24/7?

Audi "So Long Vampires": A vampire party in the woods and the guy's new Audi LED "Daylight" headlights bright (I assume they mean Kalvins, not just candlewatts) and everyone at the party in the lightbeams burst into flames. ... Damnit! They stole that from me! (and likely, hundreds of other V:tM players) My Gangrel trucker had those in 1998! *chuckle* #SoLongVampires

Hyundai "Veloster Turbo vs. Cheetah": Hah! A contest of who can take off faster? Hah! A great spin on the usual commercial. Not sure it shows off the product well, but certainly amusing to me. :D

M&Ms "Brown M&M": Hah! Again, quite amusing. Also, a nice LMFAO "wiggle wiggle wiggle" bit there too. :D

Best Buy "Creators of Cell Phones": I really like this commercial. Why? Because it gives names and faces to the folks who've made the devices and apps that folks use. :D Congrats to them!

Coca Cola "Crossed Fingers": Their expressions kinda remind me more of canines than polar bears. Am I just more used to the other animation style and this is more realistic, or did they just reference canines for this?

Chevy "Apocalypse": Pyramids, Robots, Alien Saucers, raining frogs, burning Big Boys and Twinkies... what more could you ask for?... unless you’re a Ford fan. ;)

Battleship (movie): Looking cooler. A lot like a Transformers sequel of some sort in appearance, but I don't mind. :D

Budweiser: "Prohibition is Over": If I remember, there was some time before it was ratified, and when it took effect. But, yes, if I remember, Budweiser did in fact deliver a case of Budweiser with the Clydesdales. I really like the set dressings and costuming. Good job on the commercial. :)

Doritos "Missing Cat": Uh.. Hah hah. Hah? Bribery gets you everywhere, I guess. But for $2 of doritos? I doubt he liked the cat in the first place.

Chevy "New Car": Uh... yea for excitement? But, otherwise.. uh.. what? I mean, it really could be any brand though.

Volkswagon "Weightloss Dog": More amusing than the dog that's working hard to loose the weight is the loving detail put into recreating the Star Wars scene with homage to last year's VW commercial with the kid-vader. :) I wonder if there's more of a story behind this.

Coca Cola "Catching the Bottle": Uh... to be honest, it felt like this commercial could have been half as long and still been just as effective, and cost less. I'm not sure what was gained by this part of the "story".

Avengers (movie): Hah! Tony Stark wearing a Black Sabbath T-shirt! (Get it? Iron Man?!) A lot of new material here (in fact, I'd say 90% of it is new.)

Cars.com "Confidence": Uh.. this one is just weird. A second head parasitically hanging off the back of him? Uh... ohhkayyy...

G.I. Joe (movie): I'm really liking the colors of the costumes in this movie. Any time a movie that originally had characters in the comics/cartoons/TVs wearing different outfits or colors, they put them all in black, or the same-looking outfits, or mute their absolute uniqueness for similarities, as if we wouldn't know that "That's the X-Men" or "That's Optimus Prime", or whatever. Finally the costumes seem to be mixing it up a bit with yellow, red, black, white, etc. Still not quite the eccentric differences that there were in the cartoons, but at least the bad guys aren't stuck to one look either. :) It actually looks like it could be a lot better than the first.

The Voice "Combat for the Voice": A nice touch with Betty White. :D

Toyota "Reinventing": Amusing. Not quite sure it shows off exactly how well it reinvented its own product, but the rest is amusing. "This is the reinvented sofa. It also comes in male" and the guy's nod and "Huh." expression are amusing. "This is the reinvented baby. It doesn't poop. It's also a time machine." XD Heh heh. Amusing. :D

Coca Cola "Frustrated": Why is there a penguiin near the polar bears? (if we can get past the idea of polar bears watching football and drinking Coke.)

Oikos Greek Yogart "Headbutt": Hah. Funny. :D Again, not sure it shows off the product, but... amusing.

Bud Light "Herewego": A cute little dog. Amusing. Fortunately, with Bud, they don't need to explain the product.


New Years Resolutions for 2012
Torakhan - Pleased
torakhan
Cliché, I know... but I want to ACTUALLY put forth some resolutions for this year.
Short-term:
• Finish my résumé and start trying to find a job.
• Clean my bedroom. Seriously, this is gonna be tough.
• Clean the basement.  The hardest part is dealing with the spiders. :(
Longer-term:
• Get onto a daily schedule (get up, do things, go to bed at the same time each day.)
• Eat Better (better diet, at decent times, in proper portions, etc.).
• Work-out, or at least get 30 minutes of exercise a day.
• Complete at least one finished piece of artwork each week. Sketch-to-Print-Ready.
• Begin pre-lay-out for the Final Haven book.


Is Pon Farr Rreal?
Torakhan - Angry
torakhan
I've been experiencing some dramatic highs and lows lately.  A sudden urge for and lack of physical intimacy  in a seemingly testosterone-high that was easily crushed back to massive depression. WTF? 

Things at work have been a bit stressful, but manageable. Gen Con came around and while there, somehing happened. Emotionally I became unable to control my primal instincts as they began to surface. It ended with me growing so frustrated that I had to leave before midnight Saturday.

For the nex week and a half, I was on a testosterone high. I was aggitated, possessive, territorial, confrontational, and found myself gorging on this primal, energy like it was an all-you-can-eat buffet. But what I craved most, during this time was physical intimacy, to share this primal force with another. And though I tried, nothing came to fruition. Yet, even through this frustration, there was some sort of force giving me optomism.
... That is until yesterday. A friend of mine gave me some good news--he and his family are expecting a kid. Add to that a girl I know said that a guy wants a paternity test to find out if her kid is his, and another friend just had a kid last night.

Suddenly it was like the hands that had been pushing me up were suddenl pressing me down. The world no longer seems bright with fire and conquest on the horizon, but more like I missed the boat and the party has sailed away, leaving me on a cold island, alone.
This is how life has felt for a long time for me, but the sudden return to this feels devistating. Oppressive. Dark.

Maybe it's just Summer stress. Maybe it's just coincidence, or maybe there's something going on that I'm picking up on...  I mean, if you wanted Spring kids, wouldn't this be the optimal time for procreation?  Or maybe it's just another wave of hormonal imbalance and depression's cruel waves.

For my friends who are experiencing great things in their lives involving new relationships, successful partnerships, and new lives, I truly congratulate you.  I'm jealous in ways, but I don't deny you the joy you're feeling.  :)

Gen Con 2011 was a bust for me.
Depressed
torakhan
Gen Con was just plain bad for me this year.  While there were a few shining moments for me, the rest was heaping piles of cap and I'm seriously trying to decide if 2012 will be worthwhile.

The daily break-downCollapse )
 
 
So, in the end... Gen Con may no longer be for me.   There were a few good moments at the Con, but in-all, it was pretty much a waste of time and money for me.

Potential Maker's Marks for Quen
Torakhan - Pleased
torakhan
 My Larp Character Quen makes items, and I figure it's time that he had his own maker's mark.
The mark will be made into a .75" rubber stamp that will be put onto the tags for items he makes.
Which one do you like more?
Poll #1760176 Which Maker Mark is Better?

Which Mark is Cooler?

A
5(100.0%)
B
0(0.0%)
Something else (please post more)
0(0.0%)
Possible Maker's Marks for Quen

I'm sick of being ignored via TXT
Depressed
torakhan
• How often do you get a text from someone who is asking about something, and decide to ignore them outright?

• Why do you ignore them?


This has been happening to me more and more lately from many people.
I will see them days later and get an "I've been busy" time and time again, even if they've spent time playing Facebook games, posting online, or even doing other things that I know gave them the 10 seconds it would take to give me back a simple response.
A simple "Sorry, I'll get back to you later", or "Call me later." would be nice... but the cold shoulder, especially from "friends" frustrates me.

How about you?

I've never liked texting--I prefer to talk on the phone.  The reason is that I find it more personable, and I know the other person has gotten the message.  But I've texted people because they have asked me to--because they claim to "prefer it".  ((I will also text in areas of low signal strength because it will eventually send.))

But I think I'm going to stop texting soon and go back to calling. :(  At least when I've left a message, I'll have heard something even if I'm STILL being ignored. :(



Gen Con more likely
Torakhan - Pleased
torakhan
Whoot! I got an offer for a room from a friend for Gen Con!  It'll be cramped, but at least I have a place that I know I can crash for the weekend.
I have also acquired my Gen Con badge.

I guess it's official: Unless something happens schedule-wise, I'll be going to Gen Con '11, making it my sixteenth consecutive Gen Con

Gen Con less likely...
Depressed
torakhan
Well, it seems less and less likely that I'll be going to Gen Con this year.

After Gen Con LLC told me a week after housing registration opened, my other contacts for getting hotel space have either informed me that there's no room with them, or just won't answer my Emails.  

I can't believe that I'll be breaking a 16-year run like this... how sad. :(

I still want to go.  If I can find a place to crash that's close to the convention center, I'll go... I just don't know of anyone left who I can snag a room with.

?

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